Every time I have to read a blog post about something I do or don’t do, I get a little mad at myself for being so predictable. “I should’ve done that!” “I should’ve said that!” I think about what I should have said and said what I said, then I think about what I should have said and said what I said.
I think this is one of those things where I just can’t help it. I just can’t help it because I am so predictable. I am like a walking monologue. I tell myself one thing and then I tell myself something else. I just can’t help it.
We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another. For example, I read a blog post about something I don’t do and then I find out I have said something I should have said. Or I go down to the store and I find out I said something I should have said. But for some reason, I just can’t help myself.
I know I have said things I should not have said. I know my friends told me to take a break from writing, and I know I should have said something different in that email I sent you. But I still say things I shouldnt and say things I should.
You know what’s strange about that? It’s a way to get rid of guilt. And we all know that it’s a way to get rid of shame. It’s like having a friend confess to you that he broke into your house, and he’s sorry for what he did. Or a parent that’s still in denial about what happened to their child.
I still feel bad about the last email I sent you. I should have said that I was going to make my life a little better, and then I would have been on my way to getting my life a little better. The fact is I was going to get back to my life and I was going to be able to make it a lot better. I should have said that in that email. I could have made it much better.
The emails I sent you are a bit different than I thought they were going to be. In the one that was really bad I thought I was going to at least say I was sorry and get off your case. In the one that I now think was good I thought I was going to at least say that I really wanted to make things better, and then get off your case.
I know that there’s a lot of different opinions out there how bad I sounded, and that I didn’t mean I was going to do anything rash, but it is true that I said a lot of things I didn’t mean. I can’t always see what I said, but I do believe that I had more of an impact on the outcome than I realized.
I feel that people who complain most are those who complain the most about the same thing. I think that people who complain about the same thing are usually in a rush to make something happen that they feel is fair and just. When something goes wrong, I think that’s when people talk about it too much. I like to think that I did my part, but I just felt like I had to say it out loud and have it go away.
I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever complained about anything. The only time I’ve ever been offended is when I did something that I knew was too outrageous to be true. I think the only time I’ve ever been a hypocrite is when I complained because I didn’t like the way something came out. I didn’t like that some of my work was criticized, so I didn’t make the best of it.
